I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
