omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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