Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
