i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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