I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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