everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
