I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
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Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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