I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize