I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
