Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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