So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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