Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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