Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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