dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
