508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I wear drunk well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
