PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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