I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize