He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
