Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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