There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this will be a night to untag.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
