I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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