My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
