I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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