it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize