I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
