Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
