You really coming over, don't trick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
