I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
