whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
