i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
