I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
