Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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