No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
