i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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