are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
