there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
