The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I look better un-naked...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
