i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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