You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
