return my video game
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
