We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
