I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can you bring me the toilet please
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize
