Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
