I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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