were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
cat food counts as protein by the way
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize