I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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