To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
