fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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