Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
