the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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