I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
