1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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