She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
