I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
