Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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