Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
