my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
