This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
