Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
