...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
