god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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