I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
