my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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