I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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