i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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