Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
