3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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