No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
